J'en ai marre

2011-03-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

Here's my most recent piece of work. Really pleased with it, think it's pretty cool. I'm currently thinking of what I could do with it. I was thinking, some poster design competition or something. I may or may not add in some text to it in time. Any suggestions more than welcome.

BEARd

2011-03-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

Robert Longo

2011-02-08T13:43:00.001-08:00

I can't stop looking at Robert Longo's 'Men in the City' work. I found it completely by accident but it is amazing. Makes me want to draw again.

2010-09-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

Role Play training at work

2010-05-10T11:47:00.000-07:00

The other day at work we had to do a little bit of role play. The intention was learning how to deal with difficult customers. In reality, it was too funny to take seriously. I've worked in a few places now and have done a lot of these training type things but this had to be the best one yet. Please note, this came from head office and would have been acted out all over the UK. Here it is:

"Stopping a customer who has set off an alarm" This requires two players: a polite and pleasant sales assistant and a moody, sarcastic, aggressive customer.

Sales Assistant: Excuse me! Terribly sorry...would you mind if I checked your bag?

Customer: What do you need to check my bag for?

SA: It's just standard procedure. When the alarm goes off, we check the bag. Don't worry, sometimes it's a device from another store or sometimes we have left a tag on by mistake. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Customer: Well I don't want you to rummage through my bag. It's private.

SA: I'm really sorry. But it won't take very long. We just want you to avoid being accused of anything if we have mistakenly left a tag on and you set the alarms off in other stores.

Customer: (Voice gets louder) Well I don't want you to, right? Do you think I'm a thief or something!? Why are you treating me like a thief?

SA: Please don't raise your voice at me sir. This is a standard procedure. If the alarm goes off but you leave the store without having your bag checked we have to report it and you could be banned from the store. I really want to avoid that.

Customer: You mate...are having a fucking laugh! I am not going to do anything! Now leave me alone!

SA: (Moving away) I am sorry sir. If you are going to speak to me in that way I'm going to have to ask you to leave immediately (the SA calls the manager and goes behind the cashdesk to call security).

Customer: You can't make me do anything you skinny fuckwit!

Manager: I am sorry sir but I am calling the security. (Manager calls security.) There is a customer here who is aggressive and swearing. I need him removed from the store.

(Customer approaches the cashdesk.)

Manager: I am sorry sir but I am now calling the police as your behaviour is unacceptable. Your failure to leave the store when asked to do so means you are now trespassing. Please leave immediately.

Customer: Go ahead Knobhead!

I was chosen to be the customer, the less said about that the better, however, I did get to shout at a young part-time girl and my manager, calling them "skinny fuckwit" and "knobhead" respectively. Sometimes training can be fun.

Bits and bobs

2010-04-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

Françoise Hardy

2010-02-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

I have found love! Françoise Hardy is seriously hot hot hot! Unfortunately, I'm too late and in the wrong country! Damn. As if I'd have a chance if she was my age and in Dundee now!

If you too fancy a wee perv at some 60s French totty, why not check her out on YouTube? I'm actually quite enjoying a bit of French pop too! I can even listen to it without watching her videos. Although, to be honest, the videos do help.

Tattoo

2010-01-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

Hello all. It has been quite a while since I last posted something on this. Thought it was about time I said something seeing as I have this blog an all. Might as well.

I've wanted to get a tattoo for years now but have never had it done purely because I'm scared shitless. I've been thinking about it lots recently though and am quite sure that I want to get it done. This design is roughly what I want to get. 'J'en ai marre' has become my catch phrase of late and I think it suits me pretty well. I would very much like to know what you think of the design if you have any views. Negative views are also welcome. Should I get this tattoo?

Nana nana nana nana

2008-12-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

I think I may have discovered the greatest Superhero ever! Batman? No. Superman? Nope. Spiderman? As if. It's BELTMAN!
Oh yeh baby. Who's there when you can't find your belt? BELTMAN! Who's there when you seriously cut open your leg and need to stop the bleeding? BELTMAN! Who's there when you're about to go out wearing black shoes with a brown belt? BELTMAN! Who's there when you need to find a vein to shoot up some heroin? BELTMAN!
We love you BELTMAN!

Play with fire. He's lonely.

2008-09-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

I recently had an 'Alan moment', as I shall call it from now on, when I had an idea for a wee character type thing. I saw one of those 'Don't play with fire' ads on telly and my first reaction, for some reason, was: "Poor fire. Why does no one want to play with him?" As if fire was some sort of lonely child in the playground. I thought I should do something about it so I made it into a wee t-shirt design for TeeTonic. I quite like how it turned out and thought that "Come play with me" might be quite a good slogan for a t-shirt. My t-shirt designs haven't proved too popular as yet so here's hoping people like this one a bit more than the others.

All good ideas arrive by chance

2008-09-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

I've been messing around on photoshop, which seems to be the only type of arty work I do these days, with found images. Mixing around images to create something new. I quite like the idea of making something interesting out of a pile of useless crap.

I'm really inspired by the work of Max Ernst, especially 'Une Semaine De Bonté: A Surrealistic Novel in Collage'. So, what do you do when you find someone whose work you like? Copy them! That's what I'm trying to do. While keeping my own style of course. These are just experiments with mixing images. They both have a meaning behind them but it's a bit loose, it was mostly about finding a new style of work that I could maybe use in future.

Magicians do it with rabbits

2008-09-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hello again. I'm extremely bored so I thought I would post another wee message on my blog. In my first blog I put a picture of the poster I did for Don'tPanicOnline for the word 'machine'. Here's the other one I did before that for the word 'small'. I had already kinda done this illustration before I found out about Don't Panic but thought it would fit in if I added a bit of text about 'small'. I'm so lazy I couldn't be bothered doing something else really. You get to write a wee description of what your poster is about and how it links to the word. I think I wrote that I was surprised at how magicians can produce rabbits and whatever out of just a 'small' hat. I do enjoy talking crap. But hey ho, the voting for the 'small' poster starts on the 14th Sep and the 'machine' one on the 14th Oct I think so it would be great if you could have a wee visit and get voting. For me. Don't vote for anyone else. No no no. Vote for me. Ta.

I now have a blog! Woop woop!

2008-09-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I've got a blog! I'm not really sure as to why but I suppose it doesn't really matter.

I wasn't really sure what I would use a blog for so I think I'll just copy other people I know and post some work I've been doing recently. Here's a poster design I've entered into Don'tPanicOnline. They set a word and you illustrate it. Pretty simple. I hope it's clear that this one is for 'machine'. It took me bloody ages to do, making sure everything was connected and looked good. I quite like it, which is rare for me, as I rarely like my own work.

Oh well, that's it for my first blog. I hope it was as good for me as it was for you. Yall come back now, ye hear?